It's all just a Paper-thin line apart

Yes and No. In and Out. Here and There. To Be or Not to Be. Right and Wrong. Truth and Falsity. Life and Death. What separates each from the other, is all just a paper-thin line.


I knew this all along, but not until Yesterday, did it actually dawn upon me that everything actually followed this 1 or 0 rule.


All along in my exams in Uni so far. I've never failed a subject. Nor do I plan to ~.~ (who does, well, maybe some do). But yesterday. I came across a subject so hard, *okay, it wasn't actually THAT hard, but the fact that I NEVER listened to lectures or studied it AT ALL before this made it so*, that I was almost willing to give it up. Yet, my conscience and ego took over, and I forced myself to study through the midnight before the exam.

So after I finished my paper yesterday. Though I don't think I did well, but I think that I somewhat managed to scrape through and pass. But since the results aren't out, I can't say for sure.


However, soon, I got word from a friend taking the same subject. And the person told me, that all she hopes for right now is for a Supplementary Exam. At that moment, I felt regret, and guilt, for not asking her to study more, for not telling her to stop playing around. I always thought that it would be fine, that it should be fine. I was wrong.

Pass or Fail. Only then did I realise, failure was just an inch away from passing. Even though we might not realise it, but it's always lingering around the corners, waiting for us to make a wrong move, waiting us to fall into the wrong temptation. I never knew it was so close by.... and I never had the thought of it actually happening, to me, or to my friends.

I'm lucky that I pushed myself to study even though it really felt like hell during those hours.... .... in the middle of the night, with no food, not enough sleep (due to a 3 day combo of exams, this was the 3rd). I felt like a living zombie at 6 in the morning. While some who fell into the trap and didn't manage to fight back, lost themselves, and ended up on the other side of that paper-thin margin.


But from now on, I guess I'll be more aware of that paper-thin margin. That separates one from the other.
And that the choice, is Ours to make.

Some, however... are less fortunate to make that choice. But that's a whole new topic to talk about when the time comes.

Ways to study before Exam

So what's been going on lately?? Well, I think all of you are clever enough to realise nearly EVERYONE is having exams lately. And that includes me.

Well, I'm gonna be straightforward and tell you guys this. The Worst Enemy for Exams today, is Facebook. Haha, obvious? duh~ I guess it isn't rocket science. I've been hearing so many versions of those so-called "effective ways to study" lectures ever since I stepped into Uni, and the FIRST thing on everybody's version is "NO FACEBOOK".

Unfortunately for me, I seemed to got addicted to it at the wrong time of the year T.T Whilst having an exam the very next day.... I was surfing stalking people's blogs, spaces, and FB photo albums "re-living" my Senior Secondary years =.=

I had 3 days of straight of my life's worsts subjects I've encountered so far.... and my schedule was...


Midnight 1, 4:30AM in the morning:

Stalking FB profiles.... photo albums....

And....

Doing 90 Degree Head Tilt exercises while browsing Madame May Ting's MSN Spaces photo albums (Seriously.... you could've rotated them before uploading them lol).


Day 2, whole night:
Commenting and laughing my ass off at comments in our newly Updated photo album of long lost photos ^^ It's just so nostalgic looking at those funny pictures of our kiddy looks.

And browsing more photo albums such as the one below:
http://cid-fd8ea43a9c64c842.skydrive.live.com/albums.aspx


And finally, Midnight 3, which is tonight:
What am I doing? Blogging at 6AM in the morning.... why am I awake so early in the morning you might ask? Coz I didn't sleep *_* (Well, this time I studied..... a little....)



I seriously wonder whether I can pass my units this sem...

Though I'm really worried for it. But I really can't help but laze around.

Exams... are so close...

I really wonder how I studied for exams all my life. Throughout my life, I've sat through dozens and maybe hundreds of exams. Never once did I fail too badly, but never once do I know how I managed to scrub through it either.

Exam for this semester is coming up once again. But this time.... I really really really really do NOT, feel like studying... why? I don't know.... I wonder how I studied for exam last semester, but I can't seem to recall how =.=

At the same time, our oh-so-kind lecturer decided to give us some ADVICE! I was overjoyed when I saw the link "must read ADVICE". So I quickly clicked it, and waited for my 'snailnet' to load the page..... ..... .... .... ... ... ... .. .. .. .. . . . . After an agonizing 3 MINUTES.

Doesn't "May you find the force WITHIN you" sound like some Yoda talk from Star Wars!??? Or is there some hidden meaning in the 'within' word since it was highlighted in RED?? Seriously ~.~... the advice couldn't be any worse...


So instead of studying... I eventually decided to take photos instead ^^ and try out my new 'semi-studio' setup for shooting small items (which.... hopefully... with some time and money... would expand into being able to shoot human subjects)

And... well, the results turned out pretty nice, hehe.

My ZIPPO Lighter

My poor battered up phone.
But to me it looks almost like new here, haha


And last, somehow, simple but my favourite so far.


A present from a friend of mine.
(Though I never use it....)

Any comments?? hehe


Shucks.... photoshooting instead of studying.... I'm really doomed.... maybe I should change my course after all, lol.

That's all for now. Gonna give studying a try.

Free week doesn't sound so free afterall

Just after coming down from my flight at Terminal 2 a few days back, I suddenly came to the realisation why I couldn't afford to just CANCEL my whole trip back to KK and stay in Miri instead.

And that is because........










I have an EXAM!




And what exam was that?? An INSURANCE exam.

Sounds shocking? I thought so too...... but I couldn't just skip it and stay in miri or fail the exam...... coz it already cost my mom a friggin RM300 just to register for the test.


So for the past few days, I've been busy studying for my exam, coming this Saturday. It's not that I wanna sell insurance, or work in the insurance industry of course, but I had to do it for my mom.... since for most of you who know, my mom's a West Malaysian, and the oh-so-kind-sabahan-government now requires all Insurance Agents to have a Trading license in order to sell insurance........ being a W. M'sian herself, it would be hard for her to get a license, and so......


she sent ME!.....

You know what..... commerce subjects turned out to be harder than I thought..... and the fact that it's INSURANCE doesn't seem to make things any easier..... and not to mention that my homework suddenly turned from a stack to a pile just by receiving an SMS from my coursemate forwarding my lecturer's instructions....

Btw, they say that if you can sell Insurance, you can sell Anything.... I wonder whether that's true but.....

I know that you'll never be the best sales person until you can sell a Comb to a Monk.

**********

At the same time, I'd like to introduce everyone reading this blog to ANOTHER blog of mine..... which will be my "Mobile Blog"........ which I'll update using my mobile phone.

I just came to realise that I have a camera phone, and full GPRS and MMS functionality, but have never used those functions.... so I just thought that I'll update some posts using my mobile once in a while instead...... for those moments when I don't have my DSLR with me ^^

I'm not sure how long I'll sustain that blog, since it should costs me RM0.50 per post, haha, and I already have THIS blog to take care of.

But anyhow..... introducting http://mobilebird.blogspot.com/

***********

Graduation

I see people saying how happy they are to have graduated; I read messages and posts saying they're finally taking a new step in life. However, seeing all this, just reminds me, of the same me back then.


To graduate, most people would take it as a good news, a happy thing. It's like one of those things you can say "FINALLY!!". Well, I admit that I was no different, I heaved the sigh "finally..." under my breath. But having said this, what does it mean to graduate?

Hmm, I personally still haven't realised what it means to have graduated. But I sure do know now what it is to not have graduated. I also found out, that there are many things, that will never be the same once out of high school.

Sometimes, I wonder if I could go back to the past, go back to before I graduated, do things that I regret not doing, or doing things that I never did before. Besides that, I wanna experience everything all over again..... it's just so...... nostalgic in a sense.



What do YOU think about graduating?? Feel free to post answers.

reminiscence

Everytime I realise that I haven't actually touched much of my books to be ready for exam, I'm "Oh great.... and I thought exams were quite a long way more to go....". Turns out I've got another 4 days in between before I do my first subject (excluding today)


Miri's weather is so unpredictable, one day you could get

Figure 1. Strong winds, heavy clouds

Strong winds that take the roofs off the bus stops, bring down 40 year old trees, and those that blow your just dried pantees to god-knows-where......

And as a compensation, you get this, the very next day

Figure 2. My bed....


Figure 3. My room.....

The blazing oven heat coming in from my window makes sure I can't sleep in the afternoon, so that I can use that time to study Management 100. But what the hell!?? Who can study in such heat???


The heat + the frustration + the oh-for-God's-sake + the I-don't-give-a-damn in me always came down to one thing..... Closing the window, turning on the Air-con, and going to sleep.


I really felt kinda hopeless these days.... hoping that I didn't have to study, hoping that I was better, hoping that I could go back to KK and enjoy myself...... but that very last thought..... of going back to KK, opened the door.....

Today, when the barbequeing sun was crawling back to its homes in preparation for night, I watched the sunset.... it reminded me of my times back in KK, it reminded me of the sunset I loved at the Sports Complex; it reminded me of the Sunrise I watched while everyone else was asleep during our trips; I remembered the fun I had back with my friends.... and how much I longed to go back just to have more fun with them.

As I watched the clouds part, the flaming red melting into purple..... more and more memories came back.... and out of the blue..... I realised..... that there was still hope.... there was still so much more waiting....

And then I thought, I should get back to studying.... I don't wanna get hauled back for a supplementary test while I'm back there in KK busy creating more memories..... but this time.... even with the heat, even with the frustrations..... just by thinking of what's there to come...... it all seemed so tiny in front of those thoughts......


Miss all of you RENs, waiting to see all of you soon....... soon..... very soon.....

Knowing whats important........ or maybe not.....

3 more days to exam..... and counting (down of course).... however, I'm still suffering from some major "priority imbalance" syndrome, which usually creeps onto young adults like us... (hmm, I never thought the day would come when I'd be calling myself young adult, lol)

Games, movies (animes and dramas go in this category), and study.... which to choose? If everybody around me didn't start acting so paranoid, I might've still been stuck with the first 2 options. Since a week ago, students from all walks of courses (if this is correct grammar....) had made the library, not only their resting ground, but also their eating, studying, and furthermore, nesting ground.

A couple of days back, I was thinking of taking some time off my games and going to the library for some revision. However, upon reaching the library, locker keys were scarce.... I was facing the security guard, looking down at his desk, were FIVE (5) locker keys left..... *gulp*, I looked at the clock, 1 pm.... maybe I was a 'little' late afterall... (what do you expect from playing games up till 3am in the morning)

Ok, screw the lockers, I thought I'd just smuggle my bag into the library, after all I've seen many people do that before... Walking in, into the study room on the bottom floor.... I never expected to see a scene so spectacular, with people Standing, sitting on the Sofa, crouching in those minuscule spaces between chairs; opened books overtook the surface area of the tables, while closed books piled high and were used as head-rests.... I had been wondering whether most people in curtin were nerds so far..... this further convinced me....

Moving upstairs, I took the lift. What pisses me off is that when people somehow think I'm invisible, or when they have that "I'm more in a hurry than you" attitude. Ever gone up the lift alone, only to have the lift door open up to swarms of people fighting to get into the lift.... while you're the only one trying to get out...... My initial thought when the door opened was: "Looks like the 'upstairs' is closing".......... But anyway, even with so many people going down, there was still so many more upstairs.... I was starting to wonder whether I was a bit too relaxed about the exam.

Having both floors full, I moved on to the "New Study Area" situated next to the library, its something like an extension study area of the library.... Walking up the stairs, I open the door.... all kinds of voices could be heard..... questions, answers, explanations, definitions, mathematics, economics, mechanics, chemistry, physics, everything.... you name it. It looked more like a stock market office at that moment......

Finally, walking all the way nearly to the end, I saw some familiar faces, and then, I saw a chair, an empty chair.... it seems that my friends had left it for me.... if not.......


And seeing everyone in such a panic for the exam, I thought.... maybe the games could wait.....


*Gambate and good luck to everyone who's facing their exams soon or are now taking them.
*Hope you guys enjoy your exams. (especially those having their first exam in uni, haha)


***P/S: Forgot to mention that I enabled comment posting for non-members, meaning you don't have to be a blog member or sign in to post, anyone can post now, either you could leave your name or let it be anonymous (of course I'd prefer to know who's commenting).