These hands..... where shall they lead me... what shall they do....

For quite a long time, I've wondered what would I have done if these hands.... this pair of right and left hands, which I've used for so long, worked with for so far, if anything were to happen to them one day, what will I do?

The many skills I've obtained, the many things I can do, all with these two hands, I use them, to build, make, create, play, and even amaze myself with them. But coming back to the very start.... all of these, none able to be done, without this pair of right and left of mine.


But lately, somehow.... these hands, are they failing me? I do not know. But being away from everything and everyone, I guess my mind somehow lost its motivation to keep my hands going.

This week when I arrived back in KK.... the first thing I saw, and remembered when I entered my house. "My Piano....", "How long has it been.... one month..... .... It'll be even longer after I leave this time. The next time I'll be able to touch it is end of November. Will I still be able to play, will I still be able to express myself with the piano, like I used to do....."

But even now.... I can't even play any whole song right anymore. Having lost touch with my piano for one sem, and only replaced with one month's holiday back, and now..... I'm starting to think whether I should quit my piano. Yet, everytime I think of quitting, "Is it worth.... all these years... just like that?", that's what comes to my mind.

Besides my piano, my magic. What's wrong lately, my performances have dropped dramatically. I can't perform well, having pauses here and there, pondering what I should perform, do next. Wondering, wandering, my mind lacks control of these hands lately. I just can't seem to do things as good and as swiftly as I was able to.

Many other skills....... I seem to have lost count, lost touch. All of them, left in the back of my memory, left behind, forgotten.


I wonder what's the reason behind all this. Do I lack motivation? Do I need someone to teach me? Or is it just me, is it just something at the back playing with my mind? Or am I just a little too bothered by other things lately??

それが解からない。。。全然解からん。。。。。