The Definition of Boredom

**I can't seem to count how many times I've wrote posts about being bored, but this time I really couldn't stand it**


To those of you who thought you know what being bored feels like... seriously, reconsider... I'm sure you haven't gone through the worst. Even though I can't say that what I've been through IS the worst, but I can assure you it's the worst I have been through.

It's been free week... 'yeaaa... free week!!'.... but what's more, it turns out more to be 'Assignment-week'. But then again, I'm 'Home-alone' right now with all my housemates gone, and all the KK-zai's have also retreated back to KK. So I'm left with a laptop, a camera, an empty house, and a cup of coffee.

And then, boredom strikes. Wanna know what the ultimate boredom feels like?

• Feeling bored is when you spend more than an hour lying down on the bed staring at the ceiling... and falling asleep... and wake up again... just to stare at the ceiling and fall back to sleep;
• Feeling bored is when you feel that the floor is more comfortable than your bed to lie down on;
  
• Feeling bored is when you realise that the camera is one of the best inventions in the world;
• Feeling bored is when you stop to realise that your mirror is dirty and you clean it up;
• Feeling bored is when you're so bored you'd rather sleep than do anything else;
• And end up sleeping all day and not being able to sleep at night;

• Feeling bored is when you fold paper airplanes and throw them out your back window;
• Feeling bored is when you walk down the stairs, just to find yourself walking back up;
• Feeling bored is when you're not sure whether today is Wednesday or Thursday.... or is it Friday? "Wait.... lemme check...."
  
• Feeling bored is when you spend 6 hours on an assignment.... and didn't realise you spent 6 hours on it;
• Feeling bored is when you check your mail 10 times a day, for no reason whatsoever;
  
• Feeling bored is when you realise you'd finish listening to each and every one of your 10GBs of MP3s on your laptop within the last 3 days (I seriously didn't realise this until I wondered why I was hearing the same songs again ^^);
• Feeling bored is when you re-open your old videos and watch them all over again, just to find them as interesting as ever;
• Feeling bored is when you don't mind the internet being slow.... just to click the refresh button over and over again.... and if it still doesn't load, you just lie down on the bed and wait;

• Feeling bored is when you don't wanna touch your assignment even though it's the only thing you have to do;
• Feeling bored is when you just wanna grab your head and shout;
• Feeling bored is when you don't know whether it's stress or it's boredom that's making you feel weird;
• Feeling bored is when you have the time to sit back and dream.... about the past, the present, the future;
• Feeling bored is when you realise life is actually a funny thing;
• Feeling bored makes you realise that there's so much in life.... yet so little at the same time;
• Feeling bored makes you feel like something bad is gonna happen;
• Feeling bored makes you crazy, but also makes you clever;

• Boredom also makes you NOT feeling like blogging, while you have a blog that's collecting dust.

That's if for now I guess.... it's 4:30am in the morning. I should get some sleep =.=

想要发疯的感觉。

Forgive the chinese title, because I couldn't think of any nice way to put it in english, hehe.

The heat of the mid day sun, the piling up of assignments and exams, plus the drowsiness of being half asleep, and so many things going on in my mind, just makes me wanna go crazy. There's been so many times I wish I could just change my course to another that was more suited for me, or something that I'd enjoy more, but that just isn't the option available for me.

I don't know about other people, I don't know about other subjects, but sometimes I get the feeling that my subject is like the effin hardest subject someone could possibly come up with. There's been countless times when I just don't bloody KNOW what the hell I'm reading looking at! Imagine looking at a page filled with gibberish! (gibberish means random words/language that makes no sense at all for those of you who didn't know what it is) If you can't imagine that, just imagine going to a Thai or Tamil website and try reading a page from there. That's the feeling I get when I look at my labs and practical notes.

Anyway... at least today's over, I managed to study (somehow....) and just decided to update my blog with something 'Normal' since the last few posts have been anything BUT normal.


So what have I been up to recently?

Firstly, with regards to the previous post. I decided that..... I will perform and continue with magic, until another hurdle comes along and I fall flat. With that being said, magic needs practice ^.^ and I've been kinda held up between Uni assignments, studies, and playing with my poker cards. But nevertheless, it certainly feels good being able to hold those cards once again and do all those fancy stuff with them.

Then after having my camera sitting around doing nothing for some time, this Saturday I went for a potrait shooting session with Curtin's Photography Club @ AppleBox Pictures (both of them merged into.... I dunno what they call themselves now). I'd love to upload the pictures I took, but as they are not pictures of Me but some 'hired' models, I think I don't really have the right to distribute the pictures, especially not online. Sorry ^.^


Well, have an exam coming up tomorrow. So long....


p/s: Is the post a little TOoo normal?

Magic? Coincidence? or The Will of God?

If it had not been for the phone call that came in not more than 6 hours ago, the title for my blog post today would have been "Farewell - The Art of Magic".

Just as of 2 days ago. After some heavy thoughts and consideration. I came to the conclusion.... to quit Magic. The reasons to quit were obvious, why? I guess I can say that the disadvantages outweighed the advantages.


When I first started magic, it was the hope, the creativity, the passion, and that sheer feeling that shoots through your spine when you see the magic happen... that drove me, made me learn, and strive to be better, do better. Soon, I started performing magic myself, first to close friends, then to family, and moving on to more classmates, and as 'presents' during people's birthdays....

But then, as all things improve, demands went up, expectations grew, people wanted to see more, more stunning, more obvious, more impossible. People who have seen one will wave you off with a "I've seen that one, show me another"; People who didn't know how to appreciate would grab the pack of cards from your hands and scrutinize each card to check for tricks and cheats.

Furthurmore, I lacked the courage to perform in the street, and this led to a lack of audience, a lack of exposure, and consequencially the lack of experience.

Besides that, after practicing magic for some time.... I came to realise, I had a problem, with the most important instruments I use during my performances: My Hands. I had hand tremors. Even when I'm holding a soup spoon and just slurping the soup out of it, my hands tremble; When I hold a fishball at the end of a pair of chopsticks, my hands shake; Magic performances didn't make things better, with the added excitement, nervousness and stress, sometimes my hands trembled so much that I would drop cards and perform wrong tricks.

Lastly, magic wasn't a cheap sport. Well, its cheap in a sense that all you need is a deck of cards (in MY case), and a more expensive deck of cards if you're trying to go pro (like me ^^). But what not many people know is magic takes a LOT of time. I used to spend like 5 hours a day with a deck of cards in my hands when I first started.... then 4 ~ 3 hours when I was more skilled. With that much time spent on magic, and money spent on cards, I thought that I just couldn't afford it anymore.


Anyway, that was all what I thought YESTERDAY. And I was going to declare my retirement from magic today, in a form of a blog post.


At 7pm TODAY, of ALL THE DAYS, a phone call came in, asking whether I can still perform, and whether I would like to perform (Oh of course I would like.... if I could), with that, all my intentions of quitting magic were swayed as if a 7th degree Earthquake hit them.


And now, I have one week to decide. To perform? or Not?

Such irony.... was it magic? was it a coincidence? or was it the will of God?

It's Tiring, being Different.

Living the same life as everyone else, being the same as everyone else, would seem to be dull and boring. To me, that seems to be the very case. And so, all these time, I've unconsciously been striving for a different life, however, as far as I realise, it isn't something I do on purpose, it's not something I like, neither is it something I want.


Ever since I was a kid, I lived alone with my mom. While the neighbour's children played Video games and watched tv, I played with Lego and self taught myself how to make slingshots; When parents had maids to take care of their children when they weren't around, I entertained myself with household stuff when my mom was out to work (and so I've dismantled, spoilt, and broke quite a lot of things when I was young).

Some students had the luxury of having their parents wait for them after school for pickup, and others had school-buses rent for them, I spent most of my time staying back in school for hours to wait for my ride home, in the meantime, I hung around and saw for myself what made a school a school; While secondary school students were busy with studies or getting lost with puppy love, I found myself deeply interested in making bombs and learning new skills; As high school students, most people studied, slept early, and prepared for their future. Me however, lived as a night owl and used the rest of my time learning stuff some people never knew existed.



Life was interesting for me. At least on the surface it was. And in was different.

But on the other side of that difference, was a burden to carry with it.



I've never wanted to live an ordinary life. I didn't want just to be born, study, graduate, work, earn a living, have a family, grow old, and rest in peace. It's just.... too simple.... too simple for me. To me, there's so much about the world itself that just living like that wouldn't be sufficient for me. I wanted something different.



But being different isn't easy. Being different makes you separate, it isolates you, it changes you, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. Nevertheless, it turns you into something far from reality, unreachable, untouchable. At the same time, you realise that there's no one else doing the same things you do, thinking the same way you do. The feeling of having no one else walking the same path with you, its something weird.... it feels wrong, yet it feels right, but still, sometimes it's not something we can choose.... it's just there for us.



I've always thought that.... maybe I should just live a normal life like everyone else, find a job, go to work, have a family, age, and end up 6 feet under.

But then again, I'll always end up asking myself: "Are you okay with that?"

.
.
.
.


".... .... .... .... No.... ... I don't think I ever will be."

Catching Up with Life

Sorry that I haven't been blogging lately.... for those of you who might have been waiting and waiting for me to post something. But life has been a little busy lately...

So I'm back in KK and flippin, and during the day I'll be home with my mom, and then I don't feel like blogging when she's around cause she always breaks my chain of thought....

At night lately I've been out with friends going shopping, yam cha, movies... and more yam cha... so when I reach home, it's already past 12 at night and I basically don't know what's going on in my mind other than the thought of my comfy Bed.


So here I am now at 2:30 in the morning with a can of 'Pringles' beside me, and a glass of coke + chivas on my left, thinking of what plans to pull out within the next few weeks I'll be in KK. I've spent so much money lately, and spent even more time on wastage... but I think its one of those times in life that you feel everything around you is so surreal and... stuff.....

Maybe you won't even understand what I'm writing up here but who cares.... I just........ ..... thought that I should post something after such a long while....



Though sometimes.... I feel I'm like this tiny red ball of heat sinking into the ocean.... waiting for some time where I can come out again....

Ah shucks... wth am I talking about...... I guess it's the Chivas konk-ing me out.


Later guys.

More intermission

For those of you who aren't aware..... my 3 months holiday is now a past..... without knowing it, I'm sitting back in my room in Miri once again. And then.... I somehow lost the mood to update about KL, wahahahaha. So I'll just talk junk this time.

Recently, I've come to find that a lot of things has gotten boring for me. Maybe I'm matured, maybe I'm no longer the kid I used to be, but whatever it is.... it still boils down feeling bored. Being in Miri, isn't any help at all, here we don't have a TV, we don't have video games, only your room and your laptop..... and whatever other belongings you have. How saddening....

The piano that I always wanted to be good at, seemed further and further from reach due to the fact that I don't have a piano here...... so gone are the hours that I can enjoy practicing it.

I'm getting lazier and lazier to cook.... coz there aren't many people to cook for. The girls are on diet, the guys are on catering.... and the couples have their own private dinner.

Time seems infinite around here..... but even then, it's flowing...... right below our very noses. We just seem to forget about it.... wanting it to be faster, so that we can reach into the future faster...

However.... I just wish that I had the time and place to sit back..... relax, and enjoy the view......

Peace out.

Short Life Update

Seems like I haven't updated anything solid since the past 3 weeks. Well.... that makes it since I came back to KK eh?

Well it's not that I don't have anything to update, just that I either too caught up with stuff, or too bored to actually say anything. I haven't really got any 'inspiration' to say anything now, I'll just mention what I've been up too the last few weeks.

Since I got back in KK, I've been having all those delicious food up to date that I couldn't keep track of what I've been eating. I'll post something about this later.... coz all the pics are in my handphone and I haven't had the time to transfer them to my computer. (if only I had a camera instead)

So right now, I've been keeping myself busy with some things I haven't done in a while. 1st, Practicing my piano! Well, since I haven't played for about 4 months, some of my songs seem to have a 'part' of it 'lost' from my memory..... Seems like it'll take a couple of weeks to put them all back together as they've all jumbled up to form something else.

Besides that, I'm 'officially' learning my Japanese. Why do I say 'officially'?? Because all this time I've been learning it on my own using my own found resources, movies, and the internet. But from my 3 week experience at learning from a teaching centre, I am starting doubt my choice of looking for a Tutor. (Somehow I wish I could just go to Japan and get done with it)

And then.... once in while-unexpected-time-of-the-week..... My friends would be calling me out for "yam cha" sessions.... or playing Badminton.... or so far only once, the movies. But it's been fun though, it brings back memories...

For the most troublesome part, I'm currently 'organising'... yea... I guess it's organising.... our ex-class Trip to Melinsung!!! Which will be on this coming Tuesday. "Thinking of what kind of Food you guys wanna eat is really really giving me a headache, gimme a break man... and the BarBeQue... O.M.G....."

***p/s: To everyone attending the Melinsung Trip, Please remember to bring a set of your SCHOOL UNIFORM along, YES!!, the TTSS school uniform.... by uniform, I MEAN BOTH SHIRT AND PANTS/SKIRT, not just the shirt.... (as some people thought....) reason?? You'll know on the day itself. *smirk*

Lastly, to fill in the rest of my spare time..... I spend it sleeping, or just staring at my computer screen saver..... and for those of you who's been to my house before, and seen my tv (which has been "mute" for a whole 3 years), It's Been Repaired!!! So at least I get to watch some TV now, hahaha.

I guess I won't be updating till after I'm back from my trip.... with some photos (hopefully).....

For now,
Tata...

As we grow older...

This post might be a bit odd as my first actual post coming back to KK, but anyway....

Once again, I couldn't sleep. My mind just seems to be to active at the wrong times of the day, so I ended up here again, typing my thoughts into this computer, and up onto my blog, which I didn't really want to at first, cause I felt it was a little awkward, but anyway, here it is....

---------
1 week... I've been back for slightly more than a week. Yet all too soon, I've already felt.... something that I didn't want to. Even if it's just a week, I felt that somehow..... with my friends.... everyone... each other.... have somehow started to grow apart.

I remember back in high school, there were times, when all of us would know what Steam would buy for breakfast; what Amos's math marks were; what was CKCham's favourite phrase of the day; what was the height of our classmates; where the girls would usually sit and eat; what would be the topic for that day..... and so on.....

Yet now, even as we talk to each other, there's so many things that we don't know anymore. As we live in different parts of the world, as we busy ourselves with our own business these days, even with the best technology in this world.... it seems we're all slowly growing apart.


As we grow older, there will be things.... that will naturally disappear.... Things that we no longer have to do, while other things that we will start to do; there will be more and more troublesome things, things that we just wave off with a sentace of "I'm busy", or "that's a waste of time", or "we'll do that next time", or some sort.....

In another few years.... we might not ever be able to do the same things we could do last time.... or even now....

And all those worthless things we did, the stupid quarrels we had, all the time we had together.... now turning into memories.... precious memories..... I really never would've thought it would be like this back then.
----------

end

Past, Present, Future...

Are you a person who lives in the Past? Do you live a life ever-chasing a future? Or are you the normal person of today? Personally, I hadn't realised these aspects of life until just recently, when something stupid happened to me.

On tuesday, I had my first subject, Management 100. And as I was going out, I couldn't find my house keys, so I assumed I accidentally left them downstairs the night before. So I took my bags and books and all, headed downstairs, only to find that that wasn't the case.

And when I went back up, I turned the door knob, and I go "Shucks!". I'd left my keys in my room. So I went to campus without my keys.


The funny thing is (and also a good thing I assume), even during such a troublesome situation, I can still manage to forget about it and end up dreaming of the future, "What will I do when I arrive back in KK? What am I gonna do next year? What do I wanna be in 5 years time?" These sort of thoughts usually keep me entertained when I'm bored.

So, that very Tuesday when I locked myself out, I was dreaming about a couple of years later during my exam free time. "I think if I were someone else, they'd be worrying about how to go back home and open their room door.", that was what I thought.


From this, I realised that most of my time..... I think about the future, about what could happen, is going to happen, will happen.... what is there for me, how good it would be if I could be this, this, this... that, that....

Or if not in the future, I'd be dwelling in the past, wondering if I could've done better, what better things I could have done in the past, re-calling the fun and joy of the past memories. I'll always treasure them.... now and forever.

And when I finally set my mind to think about the present, the only thing I worry most about is my stomach. "growl...." is the sound it makes every 2 and a half hours.... I seem to have a very strong need for food lately. If I tried to force myself past 4 hours, I'd be so hungry I'd have to hibernate (sleep, in other words).


So, do you worry about your future? Are you tied down by your past? Or all you do is worry for the exams?


p/s: In the end, I had to climb a wall somewhere around the back alleyway and walk across the rooftop of 3 houses like some daylight shinobi to get to my room window (my room is on the 2nd floor).