It's Tiring, being Different.

Living the same life as everyone else, being the same as everyone else, would seem to be dull and boring. To me, that seems to be the very case. And so, all these time, I've unconsciously been striving for a different life, however, as far as I realise, it isn't something I do on purpose, it's not something I like, neither is it something I want.


Ever since I was a kid, I lived alone with my mom. While the neighbour's children played Video games and watched tv, I played with Lego and self taught myself how to make slingshots; When parents had maids to take care of their children when they weren't around, I entertained myself with household stuff when my mom was out to work (and so I've dismantled, spoilt, and broke quite a lot of things when I was young).

Some students had the luxury of having their parents wait for them after school for pickup, and others had school-buses rent for them, I spent most of my time staying back in school for hours to wait for my ride home, in the meantime, I hung around and saw for myself what made a school a school; While secondary school students were busy with studies or getting lost with puppy love, I found myself deeply interested in making bombs and learning new skills; As high school students, most people studied, slept early, and prepared for their future. Me however, lived as a night owl and used the rest of my time learning stuff some people never knew existed.



Life was interesting for me. At least on the surface it was. And in was different.

But on the other side of that difference, was a burden to carry with it.



I've never wanted to live an ordinary life. I didn't want just to be born, study, graduate, work, earn a living, have a family, grow old, and rest in peace. It's just.... too simple.... too simple for me. To me, there's so much about the world itself that just living like that wouldn't be sufficient for me. I wanted something different.



But being different isn't easy. Being different makes you separate, it isolates you, it changes you, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. Nevertheless, it turns you into something far from reality, unreachable, untouchable. At the same time, you realise that there's no one else doing the same things you do, thinking the same way you do. The feeling of having no one else walking the same path with you, its something weird.... it feels wrong, yet it feels right, but still, sometimes it's not something we can choose.... it's just there for us.



I've always thought that.... maybe I should just live a normal life like everyone else, find a job, go to work, have a family, age, and end up 6 feet under.

But then again, I'll always end up asking myself: "Are you okay with that?"

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".... .... .... .... No.... ... I don't think I ever will be."